


Between The Captain And His Journals - A BDAM Spin-Off

by Salty_Sam



Series: Between Dreams And Memories Universe [2]
Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Backstory, Diary/Journal, DreamSMP - Freeform, F/M, Heavy Angst, Jordan Maron-centric, SMPLive - Freeform, Side Story, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade are Siblings, smpearth - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29704890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salty_Sam/pseuds/Salty_Sam
Summary: While Ted Nivison took charge of SMPLive and turned the Lunch Club into a force to be feared, he taught him everything he knew.While Technoblade and the Antarctic Empire dominated SMPEarth, he was forced into exile, watching from a distance and biding his time.While Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit searched for one another in the DreamSMP, he brought them the knowledge they needed to understand who they were.From story to story, The Captain has always been a source of knowledge and a man who never seemed to make a single mistake. Between the three worlds The Captain wrote three journals – And their contents have been unknown to the world for years.Until now.This is The Captain's story.---NOTE: This fic is a SPIN-OFF of BETWEEN DREAMS AND MEMORIES. Without reading it, you WILL NOT understand this story.This fic is a BDAM spin-off to tell you all about the things you never got to hear about SMPLive, some more details about SMPEarth, and a lot more lore for the Nether – All through the eyes, or rather, the writing, of our wonderful Captain! I hope you enjoy this story, and I hope it makes this world a bit more fleshed out!Enjoy!
Relationships: Jschlatt & Ted Nivison, Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot, Kara Corvus & Jordan Maron, Kristin Rosales Watson/Phil Watson
Series: Between Dreams And Memories Universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2182404
Comments: 41
Kudos: 32





	1. The Captain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CaptainSparklez reconsiders how he views the world and how he can use his knowledge for the betterment of SMPLive. Kara Corvus proposes an idea and realizes she will have to do far more than just talk to get things started.

Ever since he was a boy, Jordan Maron knew he was different.

It wasn't entirely clear to him at first. Perhaps it was his title – Few used the full name, and even as a young teenager, he had soon become “The Captain” wherever he went. In every place he lived when someone asked for a Captain, it was always The Captain. That definitely made him... Stick out, if you will. But no. There was something else. Those dreams, those memories. Vague at first, but clear by the time he had reached adulthood and moved to that accursed city. He knew this wasn't the first time he had lived – As unusual as that sounded to anyone who couldn't see those things for themselves. He never really tried to explain them or ask about them – He kept it to himself.

He knew one thing for sure. He left behind a world he longed to return to – As he woke up from those dreams every night, as he pondered about them as he worked, he knew deep inside he wanted to return to that place that had disappeared somewhere behind him. There had to be some way, right? Some way for him to return home? Some way for him to find his way back to that place that felt so, so familiar, and yet so, so distant? It was all he could ever focus on – The locals called him a daydreamer, a man who lived in his own mind and never really seemed to ground himself in reality. He wouldn't describe himself as such. After all, he still did a lot of work.

SMPLive was... Ugly. Jordan didn't need to be fully aware to see that.

Those high-rise buildings some citizens insisted on going through with were nothing more than piles of wood, stone and concrete slapped together without much care. The small houses built out in the outskirts without any planning put into them and leaving most without land to work with. And of course, those messy, worn out dirt roads that connected everything without much of an order to them. This place was powerful, sure – They had an economy, they had supplies, they were one of the richest, most developed cities around. But they lacked order – There was no one telling people where or how everything had to be placed, leaving the city in disarray.

It was in these early days of SMPLive that The Captain first met Kara Crovus – She was one of the various business owners in the city, and the two soon grew close thanks to how similar their interests were. They both wanted order in the city above all – And they both needed someone to spend time with. Kara, with how much she worked, rarely had time to interact with the city – And Jordan, on the other hand, often found himself lost in his own thoughts and questions about that foggy past of his, leaving him with very few people willing to take their time with him. The two naturally seemed to drift towards one another, sharing their ideas for the city's future as well as discussing all of the strange dreams the man always had.

The one thing Kara noticed about The Captain was just how brilliant he was. She wasn't sure exactly what got him so interested in the Nether, but no matter what, that man would not let up on researching that realm most considered to be legend. Flipping through books on the daily, writing down notes, performing calculations about things only he could understand... It was fascinating to watch him work on an area so uncertain. With how little everyone else bothered to look into that place, that man had practically become an expert of sorts – And she knew she couldn't just let that sort of skill pass everyone by. Because Kara was a woman who wanted to see this city prosper, and she knew she needed other people with a vision similar to hers.

And that's when she introduced the Lunch Club Project.

'Don't you think things could be better in this place?', Kara had brought up on another lazy working night – Jordan would often spend time with her when she took care of some final business deals on late nights with nothing better to do. She never knew what was going through his head as he looked out a window for hours on end without doing anything at all.  
'Hmm? Oh, yeah, I suppose.', and as always, the Captain would only respond after a short moment of hesitance. He'd get brought back to reality once more, take a moment to go over what you said, and only then find the right answer to your question – Usually just boiling down to a mumble of one or three words at most.

'I mean... We're just sitting here. We've got all this potential and more and more people keep flooding in, and eventually that lack of order is gonna screw us over.', the woman carried on, her eyes narrowing as she focused all her attention on a plan of the city she hung by her desk.  
'...It'd be good to have a leader of some sort, wouldn't it?', Jordan eventually spoke up, himself seemingly getting an idea similar to what she was proposing. 'But... It's hard to pick leaders when everyone is so divided on what they want. There's lots of people in this city.'.  
'If we were to use a system it would make sense, you know.', Kara insisted, as always finding it impossible to give up on her ideas. 'Like... The richest business owners in the city. Six of them would be good, right? Maybe five... I'd like to get you in there, too. You'd be useful.'.

'Me?', The Captain repeated, looking around for a moment. 'I don't... I don't even own a business out here. I don't think I'd be fit for it. People would get mad, you know?'.  
'Not if they see what you're capable of.', the woman insisted. 'You're a bright guy, man. You're the type of person we need on that team, you know? They just need to see it.'.  
'I have nothing to show.', the man leaned forward, his eyes once more setting on something distant. 'I can barely focus... And the Nether stuff is all theoretical. Don't get your hopes up.'.  
'Well we gotta get you to stop fazing out, yeah? Then you can focus on this stuff and get us some real good research!'. She could see he was hesitant. 'Oh come on, don't tell me you don't wanna try!'.

'...I wouldn't even know where to start.', Jordan admitted, leaning on his palm and playing around with something with his free hand. It was a pen his friend had gifted him with a while back – He developed the rather annoying habit of clicking it constantly soon after getting it. 'It's not like I haven't tried things. But these dreams... I just can't stop thinking about them sometimes, you know?'.  
'And... Have you tried writing about them?', Kara suggested, cocking an eyebrow. She leaned back in her chair with a smile. 'About everything, actually. Your dreams, what you do day to day, and your research! If you put your thoughts together like that it might keep your mind clear – Keep journals and get yourself in order. Maybe that will work?'.

The Captain laughed to himself, a dry and tired laugh.

'Could you imagine? Me, keeping a journal?'.  
'Hey, don't knock it till you try it!'.  
'I dunno. Doesn't sound like the thing for me.'.  
'Fine, grumpy. Whatever. But keep it in mind, yeah?'.

For a moment, The Captain looked at that pen his friend had gifted him with so long ago.

'Yeah... yeah, I'll keep it in mind, I guess.'.

And indeed, he did. It had in fact become the only thing he could think about.

God, it was irritating. The way his mind loved to just grasp onto thoughts and run with them, make him focus on them and nothing else. That was the case with him, the dreams and the Nether, and now the idea of a journal to pile all of his thoughts into seemed to become more and more appealing. Every time he clicked that pen Kara gave him, every time he woke up with another memory he couldn't quite place, and any time he learned something new about the Nether he found simply fascinating he just wanted to have somewhere to... Put it all together. Somewhere where his thoughts weren't that incomprehensible mush he could barely make out on most days – And instead presented themselves as something more straightforward. But that was all theoretical – After all, he barely had enough time between all the dreams and contradicting questions to do anything at all.

He wasn't really sure how he had found himself here – In a meeting room with five of the city's most powerful entrepreneurs, one of them being Kara herself, sitting to the side and tapping his pen on the desk in front of him, probably assumed to be an intern or a worker of hers. She had gathered these four for one single reason – For that downright impossible project of hers. He had tried to tell her it wasn't a perfect idea, but she insisted. She was always so stubborn when it came to her ideas.

'People won't listen to tyrants who put themselves into power.' - As expected, the woman was met with opposition the moment she even as much as brought up that idea of hers. The other four men didn't seem to keen on her idea once she explained it fully.  
'People will listen if we explain.', Kara insisted, moving forward and putting her hands down on the table firmly. She was by no means panicked or angry – Jordan knew her well enough to see that she was completely in control of this situation. 'And... There's another thing.'.  
'Whatever you say, it's not like there's anything that will convince us to-', as always, one of the four interrupted and didn't let her speak her mind. And although frustrated, the woman stayed calm and collected, leaning forward over the table to project her voice more without raising it;

'We could get rid of the Nivisons.'.

And just like that, silence.

'We could usurp the grasp they have over SMPLive. We could take that power from them and redistribute it between each other and other business owners. I have a plan on how to do it. We could run that whole family into the ground.', Kara carried on. The Captain sat back and let her talk – He was the last person to speak out about that family. No one truly wanted to.  
'...How do you plan to do that with something like this?'.  
'Let's say we gather the five of us, right? Following the Nivisons, we are the richest business owners in the whole city. Let's tell them some lies, something like... I dunno. We didn't want them in here because they control most of the city as is. We could have meetings with them and pretend we're considering their opinions. We keep them out and get the power for ourselves. Separately we don't have anything on them, but all together we could finally topple them from power.'.

Once more, silence. The only sound was his pen – Click, click, click.

'As for our sixth member, we take my friend here.', Kara suddenly turned, bringing an end to the clicking and causing her friend to look up at her. 'Jordan is not a business owner, but he is the smartest researcher I know. He discovered an entire other realm on his own. This group needs someone like him – And someone to show off to the Nivisons to prove we don't need them.'.  
'This feels like a recipe for disaster.'.  
'Oh come on, give the guy time to talk!', Kara insisted, turning to The Captain and giving him a smile. 'Jordan, how about you give them a taster? Get them interested.'. The man looked around a few times, stuffed his pen in his pocket and moved forward, standing by the side of the table and facing all of the businessmen. He cleared his throat, looking over the group.

'...Right. Well, I'm Jordan. Or CaptainSparklez, but I go by just The Captain with most. And... For the past few years I've been looking into a mythical realm called the Nether. I have... A lot of evidence proving it to be possibly real, and I could gather even more. With the Nether we could travel faster between distant points, gather unreal amounts of energy and so much-'.  
'But do you have definite proof it exists?', one of the men cut him off, clearly doubtful.  
'Well... Not exactly, but I could easily get-'.  
'The Nivisons don't deal in “not exactly”s. We want them out we need to give them a good reason we kept them out – Otherwise we're fucked. They're too powerful.'.

'No need for that sort of language.'.  
'Sorry, Kara. This just isn't gonna work.'.  
'Can't we at least give it a shot-'.  
'Apologies, all. I've got work to do.'.  
'Same here. Gotta go.'.  
'Gentlemen!'.

And the doors slammed shut.

'Damn it...', Kara hissed under her breath as she sat back down, Jordan soon joining her side. 'Can't they understand? We can't get this city in order without direct interference. We sit back and let things roll the Nivisons are either gonna run this place into the ground or it'll do it itself first...'.  
'I'm... I'm sure they'll come around.', The Captain insisted, but could clearly see she wasn't in the mood for conversations any more. He looked to the side, once more beginning to click that pen of his and thinking through an idea that had popped into his mind... Something no one would pass up, once he could prove it. '...I could make them come around.'.

She didn't respond. But he knew he owed it to her. And he knew she wanted it, too.

He said goodbye to her that evening in a rush, still receiving that frustrated silence and nothing more. The moment The Captain got home he begun looking around, as always clicking his pen and trying to figure out just what to do in this situation. Throwing books everywhere, reading through the stories and theories he had read over a million times before, and already feeling his mind begin intruding on his very psyche, leaving him pacing around and mumbling to himself as he tried to put together something coherent in his head. There was one way to prove the existence of the Nether – One, single way he knew he could turn this whole plan around, show those men that there was a chance at creating something powerful-

A knock at his door snapped him out of everything.

'Jordan!'.

And a familiar face left him too stunned to think any further.

'Phil?'.

He was panicked, coated in rainwater and grasping at the man's clothes the moment he opened the door. He was trembling, pale, face twisting from pain. Was he sick? What had happened? He could swear he could see small bits of blood around his clothes, only making him feel more and more concerned. He looked down at the other man, meeting eyes with him as he begged once more;

'You have to come with me! Please!'.  
'What's- What's going on? What are you doing here?'.  
'Please, Jordan. You're the only person I can trust with this.'.  
'Right- Right, okay, okay- Let's go.'.

And he ran out of this house confused and unsure for the last time that night.

As he would return with all the proof he ever needed to open a new chapter to his life.

\---

The Captain entered his house knowing things had changed.

He shut the door behind him, and for a moment, leaned on it with a sigh. He had done it. He found the proof he needed. But he knew, eventually, his mind would run away – Wander off and grasp onto something new to obsess over before he could properly enjoy the satisfaction of solving this one mystery of his life. He wouldn't let that happen. Not again. Not this time. He pushed away all the thoughts already clawing away at his mind, trying to take him away... And he got ready.

He grabbed an empty journal, placing it on the desk in front of him.

He opened it to the first page, watching the empty, white paper stare back.

He clicked his pen a few more times, before finally, moving it down.

And his first words written with this very pen went something like this;

_My name is Jordan 'CaptainSparklez' Maron, and today my life changed._

_I have just received irrefutable evidence that the Nether – The realm until now only thought to be a mere myth – Exists. But allow me to start at the beginning – At the point that all of this started, and how I got to the point I am at as of now._

_It all begins in SMPLive..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO AND WELCOME TO THE SPIN OFF;
> 
> straight off the bat;  
> yes, this whole fic will be in a journal style staring next chapter. the only exceptions to this will be chapter 1 and chapter 32 once it comes out. just had to write this intro!
> 
> YES, you're SUPPOSED to be mega confused right now! everything in this chapter is mentioned casually and without context as it will be explained more in the next chapter - this is all a teaser of things to come. if there's anything here you're confused about, don't worry, i assure you the next chapter will have ALL the info you need!
> 
> this fic will not update as often as bdam. expect updates every few days, perhaps once a week. i want BDAM to be the first fully completed fic in the series, and since this fic will only be 32 chapters long, i will take my time with it.
> 
> hope you're excited for this little side-adventure! :D


	2. The Broken City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain opens his journal with a story. Phil asks for help from an old friend.

An Introduction

My name is Jordan 'CaptainSparklez' Maron, and today my life changed.

I have just received irrefutable evidence that the Nether – The realm until now only thought to be a mere myth – Exists. But allow me to start at the beginning – At the point that all of this started, and how I got to the point I am at as of now.

It all begins in SMPLive. There is only one word I can use to describe this city – Broken. From the way the businesses are ran to the small things like the litter in the streets and the unkept, abandoned buildings of people who figured out it was better to skip town than stay, everything here just doesn't fit. I can't quite describe it... We're okay, sure. We're alive. We have food, shelter, even something of an economy. But why does it matter when it's all so crooked and disorderly? This city has not had a proper leader since it was first settled all that time ago. I moved here only a few months, maybe about a year back... I've lost track. I guess this would be a good place to talk about myself.

I'm not like most people in this city, at least not most of the “important” people. I don't own a business, I don't contribute much to the major group builds, and I definitely do not get as involved with the city's development as my friend Kara does. I guess you could call me a researcher? I don't exactly know. It's not something most of the business-focused types in this city are interested in, so it's a little lesser known. I find myself fascinated with old books, especially those with legends about the Nether. With how many different societies over the years have described it it must be real – And I have been assuming it to be so for years now. I begun approaching the topic from a more scientific angle – Which in the end, lead me to a conclusion that this realm exists... Probably.

I was unsure. Until today. So much happened... But I can't get ahead of myself. Let's focus.

I've been travelling from place to place for a while now. City to country, village to town. I've seen a lot of things, and met a lot of people – But there are two I consider the most important. In my previous home, back when we were both still teenagers, I met Phil. He was an aspiring adventurer, and the last time I saw him, he was getting ready for his biggest expedition yet – He was intending to travel as far as his legs could take him, and not turn back until he filled his journal with every story this world had to offer – Old tales, legends, small originals written in villages thousands of miles away. This man was determined to put together a tale like no other – I, on the other hand, just wanted to find a home... Which is why I am where I am today.

Kara was one of the first people I met here, and she's definitely the only one who showed interest in my research. She's been encouraging me to look more and more into that place, providing me with some of the resources I need that I normally wouldn't be able to get. She's what I'd call the polar opposite of me – She's business-focused, owns the sixth biggest business in the city, and makes enough money to cover for herself, for me, and most of the spending she needs to keep her business afloat. I told her many times I don't want her to keep funding me like this – But she also knows it would mean I'd have to drop my research at the rate I've been doing it, and that's the one thing she's willing to invest in. And there's... Another thing. She needs it to convince other businessmen into her project. It's something she begun calling “The Lunch Club” Project. Listen to this...

Kara's idea of a fair government city is something like this – She wishes to take the six of the city's richest business owners and put them together into a group that could officially lead the city without question – They already do as is, but making their choices together, united, and ensuring no one else changed these sorts of laws around would be what SMPLive needs most. There are two catches to her idea, however – One, she wants me in the group. She thinks I could represent a scientific side of everything, provide insight based on how the world operates rather than what would make the most money for the city. Secondly... She wants to keep the Nivisons out. And I guess this would be a good time to fully talk about them, wouldn't it?

The Nivison family is not someone we like to talk about. They're not a singular person representing their company, like the other five in the top six. They're more of a... Group. Nivison Enterprises is the proper name of that whole charade, and it is them alone that own about 60% of the city's businesses, buying out land, renting it, and using the money to buy even more. No one really knows what they need all that they have for – Their supplies seem to just disappear overnight sometimes, used for something only they would know about. It's here that the issue comes in – The Nivisons already practically run this city, whether we like it or not. Most of us pay some sort of rent to them, or have a debt with them. Which is why giving them even more power through the Lunch Club would doom us and give them the last push they need to turn this place into their empire. But, by Kara's “top six” theory, they are number one, whether we like it or not.

And that's where I come in. Kara wants to strip Nivison Enterprises of its power, and to do so, she'd need to keep them out of the Lunch Club and demote them from local leaders to average business owners who'd have no power over those above them. To do this, she'd need a good reason to keep them out – She claims explaining to them they are already too powerful as is will be enough, but I myself am doubtful. Another idea she has is to prove that there is someone more worth replacing them – And that's where I come in.

Kara wants to keep the number one out, but she also doesn't want to bring the number seven in – And this leaves a spot that has to be filled by someone she trusts. Me, being the “scientific” member of the group, would be the perfect candidate... But I'd be on the Nivisons' hit list instantly. We'd have to prove to them that somehow, me replacing them was for the better – And also have something that would convince the remainder of the top six to agree to this plan... My Nether theory is what she has latched onto as this very magical solution to all her problems. She thinks that if I find proof of the fact that the Nether really does exist, it would be the thing we need to convince the other businessmen and shut the Nivisons up.

But what is the Nether, exactly? Now that's a bit more complicated, but I'll try to give the shortest and most concise explanation I can. Imagine our world is the layer of a cake, right? There are other layers, layers we can't access and can't see. And between them, you'd have... icing, right? It makes it all stick. It's between the layers, on the outside – It bends around it, wraps around it, and overtakes every layer, meanwhile the layers themselves do not touch. That's what the Nether is – A world between all worlds, around the worlds, unstable and unusual...

Not sure if this whole cake metaphor got it across. It just made me hungry, really...

Either way, the Nether is something most have considered legend until now. The place where demons reside, the place where the dead go, that sort of stuff. Most people are in agreement that it's most likely not real – It's not every day you see proof of some sort of dark, hell-like realm. But with the amount of different mentions of it everywhere, I knew there must have been some truth to it, you know? It would be mythical if one book somewhere mentioned it, but this place pops up in every legend and every tale we know in this world. From the creation of the mythical Wither to the beliefs of what happens to us when we die, the Nether always appeared, over and over again, described in the same ways and with the same words. There had to be some truth in it – I just knew.

Today I finally got my proof.

The True Nature of The Nether

You remember Phil, right? My friend from the previous city? I hadn't seen him since I moved to SMPLive, but it seems he's been thinking about me quite a bit. I can mainly conclude this from the fact he managed to somehow track me down and turn to me for help when disaster struck – Had he been wanting to come back? I guess it makes sense now that I know what he got up to while he was away all this time- I'm getting ahead of myself again, aren't I?

A few hours ago Phil showed up at my door out of nowhere – You have to understand this is the first time I've seen him in years, so naturally, I was confused. He begged for my help and asked me to come along with him, and with no reason not to follow, I did. He had grown, obviously, since I last saw him – He was no longer that short, blonde kid I used to be friends with that I saw run into the woods years back. He was so mature now, I barely even recognized him. His clothes were coated in blood, especially his back – That concerned me the most. He pulled me out of the city through the rain before I could do much to react, and lead me to a large tent outside the city – New arrivals would often camp out in the fields before they got a home in the city or built themselves their own one over their camping ground.

Here I was finally hit with just how long it had been since I last saw Phil – Not only was the tent his, it also had a young woman I did not recognize sitting inside, holding a baby that must have been a few months old at best, as well as a child no older than six laying inside the tent. He was moving around, hugging his stomach and holding onto his head... He was clearly in a lot of pain. The woman who was a stranger to me instantly shot up and turned to Phil, asking him questions I could barely hear over the thundering rain. I didn't say a word – I didn't even move, really. I wasn't sure what this whole situation was about.

'Come inside, please.', the woman finally spoke to me after calming Phil down, speaking to her clearly relaxing him slightly – He was all over the place when he dragged me to that tent. I stepped in with her, looking around. It wasn't a small home by any means – One of those large, travelling tents, the type I'd normally see around when those travelling groups of people passed by, the types used to living in tents their whole lives. There were two large bedrolls around, one for the boy laying in it, and the other a double one for Phil and who I assumed to have been some woman he met out on his travels. 'Sit down, please. And Phil, would you calm down? You scared the poor guy.'.

I took my seat by the small fire at the centre of the tent. There was something cooking over it, something that smelled less like food and more like medicine. A mix of herbs I didn't really recognize – Hopefully not a potion, I thought. I was yet to tell Phil people in this city weren't fans of those concoctions – But that's a story for another day. I looked around a few times – The tent was strangely strong, unaffected by the wind and rain for the most part. The young boy I noticed was in pain was laying nearby, Phil soon by his side and checking how he was feeling. His hair was... Pink, of all colours. A light pink shade, reaching to around his shoulders, maybe slightly farther down. It covered most of his face and I could barely see it.

'Phil tells me you know about the Nether, right?', the woman carried on. She was cradling a baby in her arms – Were both of these kids Phil's? It just kept dawning on me just how long we'd been apart... Or rather how old I was. Jeez.  
'I suppose. I'm still researching, but-', I tried to speak to her, but it was clear that even with how calm she was she was incredibly worried for the boy next to her. She looked me in the eyes as she started mixing whatever it was she had prepared over the fire with one hand, her other still grasping onto the baby with a tight and sure grip.

'We need your help. Or rather, Phil and Techno do. Oh, right, I almost forgot.', she momentarily dropped the spoon she used for stirring, putting it down and moving her hand forward. 'I'm Kristen. Phil's wife. Sorry that this is how we have to meet, but we don't exactly have a lot of time.', she turned back to the boy next to her, placing her hand on his head. 'This here is Techno. Our oldest son. He's... Sick. And it's an incredibly long story, uh... Captain, right? You're The Captain? Either way, this is a very, very long story you can hear later. But what is important right now is this... Phil, Techno and Wilbur... The little one here.', she explained, focusing on the baby she was desperately trying to calm down once more. 'They all went into... The Nether. And through an accident got stuck there far longer than we planned. And we need your help right now more than anything.'.

I was... Well, I was overwhelmed, to say the least. It's no secret I've been waiting for confirmation regarding that place for years, but for it to come so suddenly and in such a context was... I didn't really know how to react. To this moment I'm still a little confused – But at that moment I didn't have a lot of time to ask questions, either. Techno, that pink-haired boy I spotted earlier, was clearly in pain, and if I could help, I'd do anything I could. I didn't say a word to Kristen as I gave her a brief nod and got closer to the kid, trying to figure out what the problem could be. Now I could see where most of the blood had come from – Most was around the boy's mouth, the poor kid only seeming to cough up more as it showed up. I tried to move some of his hair out of his eyes to get a better look at him – And that's when I noticed their unusual ruby red shade.

The boy's condition was definitely... Unusual. But it wasn't something completely alien to me. As I said, I've read books upon books on the Nether and its rumoured effect on people – This was one of the most expected ones. Physical changes – The boy in front of me was either a Hybrid, an Anomaly or both... And he had undergone painful transformation because of it. But I also knew that was the worst of it – Changes rarely carried on in the Overworld. So all I had to do was get his condition under control... This, too, was not a difficult task.

The blood must have had come from some change inside of his mouth – Most commonly teeth growing out more than they should would cause this. Small rips and tears would be made in the gums and a lot of blood was to be expected – The best solution was to get rid of all of it once the growing stopped and giving them time to heal. So with Phil's help I managed to get Techno to sit up and work with me, washing out his mouth and coughing out most of the blood. He wiped his face and his father quickly passed him whatever it was that was prepared over the fire – That seemed to be enough to ease the pain around his teeth and let him lay down in peace once more. His red eyes and that unusual shade of hair only further confirmed my suspicion – This boy, without a doubt, had been in the Nether.

'There's nothing to worry about.', I eventually reassured Kristen and Phil, turning back to them. 'That sort of pain is completely normal. He just needs rest. He should be better by tomorrow and the wounds will heal fully in a couple of days. The discolourings in his eyes and hair are just a natural by-product of everything that happened to him in the Nether. It's nothing to be worried about, just something for him to get used to. Just make sure to keep giving him something to ease the pain – It's gonna be tough for someone this young to handle.'.  
'He handles pain better than most of the kids his age.', Phil eventually spoke up. 'I'm sure he'll be fine. And... Thanks, Jordan. Guess we have some catching up to do now, right?'.

From there the evening definitely quietened down – Kristen insisted Phil take care of the baby, the one apparently named Wilbur, and she herself returned her attention to the older one of the kids. He seemed to wake up again, once more in distress, but this time she lay down next to him and begun singing a rather pleasant song that appeared to be enough to help him drift off once again. Phil told me all about her from here – How he had met her years ago in some village, how he was head over heels in days, and how they travelled and adventured together for years before she got pregnant, and they finally decided to settle down in some town. It was six years later when he was out looking for something and stumbled upon a Nether portal – His older son, alongside his little brother, following him in without his knowledge.

I was fascinated. Everything he told me about the inside of that realm was just like the legends – And with him, alongside his son, displaying Hybrid traits (Phil showed me the source of all the blood on his back, you see – A pair of wings had grown out, but he seemed to have everything there under control), I finally got the definite proof I needed that the Nether really does exist, somewhere out there. I never thought I'd see the day – But here I am, writing about it and finally being able to see it as fact and not just a theory.

...And now I wonder, is there a chance?

I still see it in my dreams. The realm I was forced to leave behind in my dreams, a world I never wanted to abandon, beckoning me to come back. If the Nether is real, surely, that place must be real too, right? I'm not exactly sure how I got to where I am today – Or the details of the world I had to leave behind. It's so unclear, but... I do recall... Three gods. Three, powerful gods, and me, alongside the many mortals serving them. One was kind but stern, the other malicious but fair, and the last...

She was balance. She was peace. She was the Goddess of Balance and The Queen of the End and Ocean.... If only I could remember her name, her face, or even... What The End itself is. But there's nothing. I see thin outlines of a world long gone but emptiness inside of them. It's irritating... But now I'm closer than ever to learning if that world truly does exist, and if it does, if there is some sort of way to get back to it. Maybe by a miracle, or maybe by hard work... Either way I will try.

I remember them. I remember those I left behind.

I will not forget.

But for tonight... Perhaps I should sleep. It's been a long day. And I can always visit that world I miss so much in my dreams – No reason not to lay down now. Let's hope this journal truly helps, just how Kara theorized – I'm at a loss for options at this point.

Goodnight, I suppose. And let's see what tomorrow brings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MUMZA
> 
> hope you guys like this chapter!!!  
> updates wont be as frequent here usually but i wanted to get this one out since it sort of explains everything yknow  
> and also i wanted to get the first sort of journal style chapter out ASAP  
> so yeah


	3. The Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Lunch Club is officially launched. Techno seems to be getting worse. The Captain is invited for an unusual meeting, and has a choice to make.

Getting Started On Things

I didn't think The Nether theory would be as vital as it was. But here it is, becoming the only reason that the Lunch Club is real right now. A lot happened today that will be difficult to summarize – But I've got to keep track of things... It's actually been helping with keeping things... Clearer, if you will.

The day after everything with Phil I brought all of the info to Kara, and she quickly insisted I show it to the other four businessmen to ensure they get interested in the idea of allowing me into the Lunch Club, as well as finding our excuse to keep the Nivisons away. Strangely enough they jumped on it the moment I even mentioned it – They were fascinated with everything I said. I had to get them to sign an agreement to keep quiet about Phil and his unusual family... From what Phil tells me, they got chased out of their last town because of those very traits they returned home with. The group agreed, and I presented them with all my evidence.

And finally, they begun considering. All four of those stubborn businessmen actually agreed on something – Which is a shock, if I'm being honest. I'll talk more about them once the Lunch Club is official – But for now, I can tell you, that about only... One of them, is actually a pleasant man. The other three just wanna make money from this, and it shows. But who'd blame them? This city had been run by greed since it first appeared... Just looking at the Nivison family shows you everything you need to know in that regard. But they won't be in power for long – Not with what Kara has planned. I guess this would be a good time to explain exactly what we have prepared.

The problem with the Nivisons is that they use all of their money however they wish. Their supplies disappear overnight and no one really knows where they go – Sure, they make sure their own property stays in good condition. But the rest of SMPLive? They get nothing from it. Not only that, most of those supplies just... Go away. There's theories about it – How they're building their own city they're gonna run to once everything hits the fan, how they have some secret underground cult. Popular people like that always get a ton of rumours around them, and at one point it just becomes impossible to tell what is the truth.

Kara's solution to these problems is simple – Taxes.

The Lunch Club could introduce a mandatory tax on most land owners in the city, meaning some of the family's riches become government property and can be used to benefit all of us in some way. It would also mean the Nivisons wouldn't have nearly as much resources as they do now – Which would knock their business down a good three or four spots in the Top Six. This would provide Kara with more reasons to keep them out, tax them more... And eventually, hopefully, they'd become an average business, and lose that unfair amount of power they have over the city now.

Essentially, we're running Nivison Enterprises into the ground with taxes. Will it work? Ianite knows, but I'm not gonna be one to question it. If there's a possibility to knock them down a bit, I'll take it by any means. It's still a while until the Lunch Club launches – But hey, we're getting somewhere. I really think there's a chance for this city now.

Displaced Memories And Curious Families

“Ianite knows”. I have no idea why I wrote that or what it means. This is getting out of hand...

Sometimes I just... Say things. I think them. I write them. It's like there's certain behaviours engraved in the back of my mind that only slip out when I'm focused on something too much... Muscle memory. Old habits. That sort of thing. I don't know where they come from, with how vague everything is. But I'm trying to remember – Really am. But... I need to focus on other things.

Phil and Kristen have been in the city for a good few months now. About three, I'd say. They started working on a little house they're going to live in with their sons – It's a lovely little home. The frame is all laid out and they started working on the walls properly – They're getting Wilbur's and Techno's room done first so they don't have to sleep in a tent, from what I know. The older one is a lot better now... He's an interesting kid to say the least. He can fight like no other, practically always swinging that little wooden sword Phil made for him. He's not very talkative to me, and only answers my questions when I ask them a good few times. That's fine, though. I don't need him to be friendly with me to get my results. I just need him to be comfortable enough to answer.

Wilbur is a strange little kid. He's barely eight months old, from what I've heard, but already, he's got this weird level of understanding when he looks at you. He also loves singing – As well as a little toddler can sing. It's more screaming incomprehensible words along with his mother's gentle humming, but still, it's something. It's weird, seeing Phil like this. Never expected him to be a family man... But alas, here he is.

There's... Something else. But I don't want to say too much.

Techno has recently confessed to me that he can hear some sort of “voice”, as he describes it. I've been trying to figure out details, but he's incredibly hesitant about speaking about it. I think he might be... Embarrassed, almost. Phil told me there are moments where he'll just... Huddle in a corner, hold onto his head and beg for it to be quiet. It sounds horrible. Kristen has found a way to help him out by singing a song that allows him to mute that voice out – But that most likely won't work for long. I'm still not entirely sure if this condition is some sort of side effect of that boy's time spent in the Nether, but either way, he's not getting any better. I've been working on solutions – Whether they'll actually help or not, only time will tell.

I've never seen Phil so stressed – It's clear he cares about these two boys with his life. It's... Well, I don't really know how to describe it. He looks about ready to sacrifice anything for them. And Kristen all the same – She's a good mother. They're both doing what they can, and with what they've been through, I'm more than happy to be that beam of support they need to handle all of the problems the Nether happened to bring along. Hopefully, I can lift a weight off their shoulders... At least for a short while. That should be enough.

The Lunch Club

So... It's official. Nearly two years in planning and a good few months in the works, the Lunch Club is finally here. Launched and ready, accepted by the people, and officially putting together our shared office. It's... Exciting, actually. These people, although strangers at first, are slowly starting to become not only business partners, but... Friends, too. They're all a bit eccentric, sure. But I can see they want the best for the city. I could never say the same for the Nivisons.

Oh, and the Nivisons are bitter. You can see that in their faces. Only a few more days before all hell breaks loose, I bet. At least I'll have the Lunch Club backing me up – That makes me a bit more hopeful with all of this. Not super hopeful, but hey. Hopeful. And that's good enough.

Apart from me and Kara, there are four other members in the Lunch Club – Sky, Fit, Pete and Ant. Or rather, Sky, FitMC, VoiceoverPete and AntVenom. But it's not like we use our full titles around each other this long into cooperating.

Sky is a great strategist – He's told me he oversaw an entire war in his old city. He knows how and where to use people to their best potential like no one else. He's a great asset to our team. Fit is a historian – A city he used to live in, one that reigned with absolute anarchy, is something he often uses as an outline as to what could and couldn't work in SMPLive. He's brilliant, if I'm being honest. Pete is the sharpest businessman we've got – He could convince you to sell him your own liver if he tried! It's amazing how well he can talk just because of that friendly voice and smile of his. And finally, Ant. Ant used to be an adventurer – Just like Phil – And is unmatched in battle. He also has endless amounts of knowledge he's gained from all those adventures of his – He knows what needs to be done and how to do it efficiently.

We've only been in power for about a week, and already, we've made some changes. People seem strangely open to this new change – They don't mind us taking charge, and I can tell us keeping the Nivisons away is a very liked choice, too. The taxes are respected, for the most part. People can see they're required and we are very open about what we use all of the money and supplies for. Everything is flowing with this natural order, and I've been sharing more of my research with the group. They've said we're gonna look more into the Nether once SMPLive becomes more stable again – I guess, for now, I'm gonna have to sit back and help with the more average changes. New apartments, cleaning up the outskirts, that type of stuff. I'm okay with that. We're making this city better – And that's the best I can hope for.

It's just that family I'm worried about. Something about them is... Odd.

I don't use the term “unnerving” lightly when speaking of the Nivisons – They're like phantoms in this place. No one is exactly sure how big that family is – Just that there's a couple with a kid of no more than three in charge right now, and all the cousins and grandparents and what not help out with the business. They own most of the property around here, and oversee everything from offices and rooms scattered everywhere around the city. It's... Unusual. Why does their company need eyes everywhere like this? Is there something else they're up to? I'm not normally one for conspiracy theories and stuff like that, but that whole cult theory is really starting to hold ground...

And that mansion they own – Major cult vibes. No question. Big, surrounded by a fence, all perfectly white and with people always walking around cutting the bushes and watering the flowers and what not... It just sends chills down your spine, you know? I'm just lucky I never have to go in there. I don't think I'd make it in that sort of clean, perfect home. I'd stop at the gate and turn right back around. I don't wanna get sacrificed to some ancient blood gods. No thank you.

Offer From A Cult (?)

So, screw everything I said in my last entry.

I'm officially having a meeting with the Nivisons tomorrow. And I'm going to the big, cult-y murder mansion And also sitting down with that weird couple that's in charge right now. And I am definitely, hundred percent getting drugged or murdered.

Can't wait, really.

Some context, right. Apologies. Trust me, I might be cracking jokes or whatever, but I could not be more nervous. How did this happen? Well, one of those weird cousins or second grandpa's cat's sisters approached me today (this family is way too extensive for me to keep track, apologies), and gave me an invitation from the man in charge of that family (Theodore Nivison Sr? I think so), saying he wanted to meet as soon as possible. So... I agreed to meet tomorrow. Why? Because I'm a pushover who couldn't really think it through and speak to Kara firstly, and instead decided that I would go and represent the whole Lunch Club.

Yeah. Great idea Jordan. You're doing great.

What's the worse they'll do? If I got murdered and you're reading this for clues by any chance, the Nivisons did it. Boom. Their whole business is in shambles and my killers have been arrested. My soul is free and I am avenged. Everyone gets a happy ending and... I think I need to just go to bed. This is all making my head spin. If I do survive this, enjoy the next entry.

The Meeting

Hey! I wasn't murdered!

But I'm pretty sure I was just forced into the adoption of a spoiled brat. So might as well have been.

I got to that mansion of theirs early in the morning, as agreed – One of the workers recognized me and let me in. Kara made these flashy badges for all six of us in the Lunch Club – Makes it easier for people to know we're important. The moment anyone spots those things, they pretty much know to stay in line. Makes you feel real powerful... And yet, stepping through those gates and hearing them close behind me, I felt... A lot less than powerful, that's for sure. But I had to walk on. If the Nivisons wanted me personally, it had to be something relating to my research. Surely. They surely weren't just using the fact that I am the most approachable Lunch Club member, have no spine and am the easiest to convince to do things. Totally not that. Why would that be it?

The gardens inside were... Weird. Again, that unsettling feeling kind of overtook me the moment I got in. Everything just seemed a bit too perfect, a bit too proper. I wasn't a fan. Something about the way the bushes were cut or the way the water moved around the fountain – It sent chills down my spine. By the time I reached the front door I felt so sick I could barely think, and when one of the maids opened it, I damn near threw up. But I walked on. I was lead past this huge staircase, into a large living room, and eventually, was met with the lady and lord of the house – And the current heads of the family. That of course being the youngest son of the previous owner and his wife. They barely said a word to me as I sat down.

'Captain. Lovely to finally see you in person, truly.', Mr. Nivison was first to speak. His wife was sitting next to him, shooting me glares I could hardly comprehend and stirring a cup of tea with a tiny spoon that made these scratching noises that drove me mad. Everything always just sounds louder and more annoying when you're stressed, doesn't it? Maybe that's just me, though. I don't know.  
'And it's... A pleasure to meet the two of you.', I tried to speak as properly as I could – I was representing the Lunch Club here, after all. I had to make myself out to be our best side, you know? 'I rarely see you around the city. You don't... Put your faces out there, do you?'.  
'You give something a face and it becomes too human.', Mrs. Nivison spoke next, continuing to stir her tea. It was way more distracting than it should have been. '...Anyway, our company is not what we're here to discuss. What we are discussing, however, is that lovely little group of yours. The Lunch Club.'.

I swear to god, I gulped so loud she definitely heard me. That woman was terrifying.

'I.. I don't exactly handle business for the group. You'll have to speak to Kara or Pete for-'.  
'Oh but we don't want business!', the lady interrupted me with a laugh, finally letting go of that spoon she kept stirring with and placing it on a plate on the coffee table in front of her. 'We just want a chat. A general suggestion. Call it a little favour from your business-y friends!'.  
'Exactly.', her husband soon agreed with a nod. He sat all weird – One leg over his knee, sort of leaning back with his arm over the couch in a way where it went around her. They were both dressed in white – No other colours, no stains. Perfect, clean white. 'We have a suggestion for you, Captain.'.

'A suggestion?', I repeated, probably stuttering. I didn't know what to say. The last thing you want to do is make the Nivisons angry – And it felt like if I tried to criticize them in any way, I'd be done for.  
'The Lunch Club can't rule forever. Whether you like it or not you're gonna get old and people are gonna ask for a change in power. But you should anticipate that. Take some young kids as soon as possible and train them up to replace you and be ten times better. What I'm saying is, each one of you needs an apprentice.'.  
'...You think so?'. The woman with the tea cup leaned forward, smiling widely.  
'I know so, Captain.', she reassured me.

Of course, this family wouldn't give out advice without some sort of ulterior motive. And I learned what that was soon enough. The lady whispered something into her husband's ear, he whispered something back while giving me a glance, and then they both turned to me once more.

'We know you kept us out because of our money and all that. And that's fine. But we don't want our whole family to remain grounded as a business forever.', Mr. Nivison spoke, although his spite for our decision about them was clear. 'We want the best for our children, don't we? Do you have kids, Captain?'.  
'N-no.', I quickly responded, and I'd never really considered the idea. I had seen how much Phil and Kristen cared for Techno and Wilbur to understand it well enough, though.  
'Right well, we do. We have one son, actually. Theodore. Jr, that is. Named after his father.', Mrs. Nivison cut in once more, her grip on her husband's arm suddenly growing tight. 'And little Theodore is only three now, so naturally not much he can do. But I can tell you, Captain, he will be a brilliant kid. He's already quite well-spoken, mind you. He plays piano. He's going to be this family's pride and joy once he's all grown up.'.  
'Right... I'm... I'm sure of it, but how is this-'.

'Theodore would be a waste if he were to just... Fall into this role you have assigned to our company, you see? The only way to ensure he'd have a chance at something greater would be to... I don't know. Disown him and send him away. And that's hardly what you'd want to happen to our beloved son, hmm?'.  
'Of course not, that sounds-'. They just kept cutting me off. It was irritating.  
'But we could easily cut him away from the family business – The Nivison family would just... Move over to my husband's older sister's next heir, most likely. We don't plan on more kids, you know? Theodore, on the other hand, once he's a bit older, would make for a splendid candidate for the second generation of that group of yours. He'd just need a good mentor – Someone who could really shape him into a good leader.'.  
'And I'm guessing...'. As always, I did not get to finish my sentence.

'Theodore could be a great leader. We're sure of it. Not one child in this family ever grew up to be a failure. We have means of preventing that. But he needs to learn from that group of yours – And trust me. He will rid this city of its imperfections. You just have to put him into power.'.

You can probably understand how I felt at that point – Never have I ever heard a parent talk so strangely about their kid. So the child is three? And already they're saying he'll be some perfect leader? When I said this family had something seriously wrong with it, I wasn't kidding – And this is all the proof I needed, really. But... I also got an idea. Kara's plan is to destroy this family, right? And if a little kid to take under my wing and get some information from could work... Why not give it a try? I ended up saying I'll “think about it, but most likely agree” and then was on my way out. I'll have to talk to Kara about all of this – It's a bit of a risk to take, after all. We said we wanted to keep the Nivisons out – But what about allowing one of them into the second generation in the future? And what about the other five we'd have to pick? It's all... A bit too much right now.

I did, however, notice something interesting on my way out. I heard a piano playing, somewhere. Nothing too impressive – Someone only learning, that's for sure. I don't know who was playing, but... It sounded pleasant. In contrast with everything else in that house, it definitely made my exit a bit more relaxing.

I better gather my thoughts. I've got a serious decision to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys liked this one! i had lots of fun writing it, especially the last section!!


	4. The Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain meets Ted for the first time - Meanwhile, Phil's family faces two disasters.

Our Final Decision

So. It's official. We're preparing a second generation, and I'm stuck with the Nivison.

Perhaps it won't be so bad. Who knows, he could be a lovely kid. I mean, children aren't defined by their families, or what they do. But he's also a rich, spoiled kid raised by a family that's like... 50% a cult, 50% just really weird. Still not sure which.

Either way, we held a meeting about this whole thing, and it's been decided we're all going to pick out some promising kids to take under our wing for the next couple of years. We agreed we're gonna start properly taking care of them once they're around thirteen, but the Nivisons requested personally I take Theodore once he's ten. I don't mind, much. I don't work in the same way the others do. I could always use an assistant, come to think of it. This could be something mutually beneficial, you know? He can learn and I'll have less work. Yeah. That could be good.

But that's still a good six years away. I've got more research to do into the Nether first and foremost – I don't know how long it will take, but opening a small passage to try and get samples through is my next step. I'd have to do it far from the city and make it small enough to control, but I'm quite optimistic. With this journal keeping my thoughts focused and all the support from the other five, I'm managing to make more progress than ever. I did, however, put it on a bit of a back burner, seeing as the city needs me to research some more Overworld things. You know, animals, terrain. Make sure our expansion is humane, we don't uproot any local wildlife. I'm fine with that. SMPLive is now, and needs to stabilize – The Nether and my research can wait.

So the next few years my focus is making sure Techno is alright, researching the local wildlife and such and taking a possibly baby cultist under my wing. Yeah. I've got it figured out, I think.

Her Departure

...Kristen is gone.

This isn't the entry I wanted to be making today. It never would be. But I have to keep track of everything – I can't afford losing myself now. Not now that there are so many people relying on me. So I'm going to tell you everything that has happened... But you have to understand, I know as little as you. This is an incredibly messy situation I doubt I'll ever fully understand.

Let's start at the beginning. It was an evening like any other and I went check up on Techno. That house Phil and Kristen have been working on for almost a year is done now – A small little house with a living room, dining room and kitchen all merged into one, two bedrooms and a tiny bathroom. It's just enough for a family like them. The outside wood is carved with various drawings of things from their adventurers – Creatures I'd never even dream of seeing. I came in, as I always do... I used a specific pattern of knocks we came up with so Phil knew he could open the doors without hiding his wings or doing anything like that. He always answers after the fourth knock in the sequence, and yet...

There was nothing. Silence. And I knew something was wrong.

I gently pushed open the door – It was unlocked, which surprised me. As always, I made my way into the living room... The house was silent, I could hear the floorboard creaking under my feet. There was no sound. Not even Wilbur singing or laughing or Techno talking about something with his father, like the usual... Just silence. It was unnerving. I eventually spotted Phil, sitting on the couch at the centre of the room, head in his hands. I approached him slowly, touching his shoulder, sitting down next to him, trying to be as gentle as possible... And then I started asking. 'What happened?', I asked. 'What's wrong?', I asked. And no matter what, he would not respond. Over and over, and over... Nothing. And then, something clicked with me.

'Where's Kristen, Phil?'.

And that got me my response.

Now you have to understand I could make sense of about as much of this as you will reading this – And by the time he was done talking, I knew from that look in his face he wouldn't say much more once he was done. So, here are his words, as exactly as I remember them, and that's about all I can tell you about Kristen's disappearance – I know nothing else and I don't plan on asking.

'She left.', Phil told me. 'She packed her bags and left, but she said goodbye first. She kissed our sons on the forehead like she does every night as they fall asleep, and kissed me until she was sure I knew just how much she loved me. And then she told me she had to go. I asked her why, but she just said I already understood, I just had to look. And I do understand. And I'll miss her. I'll miss her every day, but I know I'll see her again. Not here. Somewhere else. I'll see her somewhere else once everything aligns again but our curse is we can't have each other forever. And I know no one else will ever understand – Only we do. We're the only ones cursed to know why we're apart.'.

And that was the last I heard of Kristen.

I'm... Going to bed. It's been a long day. I really need to rest.

Drastic Changes

Techno is almost eight now, and I can definitely see changes happening in how he behaves and treats that “Voice” of his. The older he gets the stronger it seems to be, and since Kristen left, he's just been struggling to get a hold of it more and more. He's young, but he's bright – And he can hold a grudge. Phil told me this himself, but it's quite clear he's resorting to blaming that woman for mostly everything that goes wrong in his life. I... Can't blame him. He's a kid who lost a parent. And with how secretive Phil is with the truth of the situation, perhaps it's just easier for him to just resort to that blind hate rather than confront the complicated nature of this situation... I mean... Even I don't fully understand it. Why would someone as young as him?

I met with Phil today and we started discussing what we could do – With Kristen gone and Wilbur getting older and needing more attention now he doesn't have the time he needs to calmly get Techno back into a more stable state. We need some sort of solution, and between everything we've tried, there is only one possible one that remains – But I'm unsure. It's truly only a last resort way out of this, and only if Techno's state gets to a point where we can't help any more.

The core of the issue is The Voice itself – I believe it to be something of a more intense, controlling intrusive thought. Most would think of something horrific, let's say for the sake of an example, getting this sudden, unexplainable urge to grab onto your pet and stab it (I understand the example is a bit grim, but bear with me here), and brush it off quickly. An intrusive thought. A completely normal, mental thing that shouldn't be feared. Some may have underlying mental conditions that cause these thoughts to become a bit worse. Perhaps you focus on them more than usual, resisting to act on them becomes incredibly difficult. Perhaps you begin feeling immense guilt. That could be a problem, but one handled through therapy, through opening up.

In Techno's case, his thoughts get physical. It's... Complicated. Just bear with me.

“The Voice” is nothing more than an intense, loud and demanding personification of Techno's very intrusive thoughts of the type. It's his own thoughts, still, weaponized against him through the changes the Nether made to his body. Suddenly, killing the family pet goes from a passing through to a downright need, a demand. And a child, especially as young as Techno, could learn to live with an ignore that sort of voice, eventually maybe even allowing it to die down simply due to the lack of impact it has. But as of now, he's only eight, and that sort of moment of control is years away. Techno, however, is getting worse with each moment he isn't helped.

Phil has told me... Stories. About parents complaining to him, how Techno would break their kids' arms and legs when playing or getting into small fights. He told me about all the dead animals he'd find in his room, stashed away under his bed or in the shelves out of shame. He showed me some of the bruises Wilbur has on him from pure accidents. Kristen leaving, and the impact it had on someone as young as him, has made this voice to intense for him to ignore in any situation – And there's no way to know for sure how much worse it could get with time. Acting now could have results on him there is no way for us to predict – But doing nothing is a gamble. Who knows? The next kill might not be a small animal.

And the moment a human dies, the world finally decides to look.

My solution is simple, but it could have unforeseen consequences. The trick is to give Techno a “cure” for that voice. Nothing more but a mix of herbs that don't really do anything, perhaps something that could even help his development and make all of this easier to handle for him mentally. A placebo, one that will, hopefully, trick his mind into separating the Voice away from his own psyche and make it more like some outside force, rather than something that's a part of him. He would subconsciously separate something that is his own into something alien, and by the use of those “medicines” and “fixes”, he would grow to control that voice. While this solution is seemingly perfect, it does have it's downfalls.

  1. How long is it before Techno realizes his own nature and the medicines stop working? Will he become aware of it himself, will it be a natural realization? Will he subconsciously stop succumbing to their strength, and they'll eventually prove to be too weak?
  2. Once, or even if, he realizes the truth, how will that affect him? Will he be able to get the Voice under his control again, or will it prove to be too much? Once he's an adult, will the thoughts be worse, more intrusive and motivate him to hurt even more and in worse ways?
  3. And of course... Just how dangerous will he be if he does get it under control?



It's no secret that voice guides him when he fights. I've seen him training with Phil – That seems to be the only time when he's free from that strong grip it usually has on him. He's amazing. Unlike any child I've ever seen fight before, maybe even better than some adults. What I'm concerned about is... Techno's personality, as a whole, is buried under those very thoughts. And once he's in control, once he has that sort of inhuman almost fighting instinct... What will he use it for? There's no way to know if...

No, no. I shouldn't write about a... A literal kid, like that! What's wrong with me? Just... I don't know. I've always been a good judge of character and something about him is sometimes... Off. But... He's just overwhelmed. He's as scared of this as all of us are, even more. He's just a kid. Just a kid that needs help. If things get worse we'll try the solution. But it is only a last resort in case of an emergency. As of now... Techno is just in pain sometimes. The fighting training should help him control things a bit more, and maybe, in a year or two, he'll get over what happened with Kristen and things will naturally get themselves under control.

I can only hope.

First Meeting

Today was... An eventful day, to say the least.

Remember the Nivison kid? Theodore? It's been a while coming, but hey, he's finally ten. And that also means we're finally able to get started on the whole apprenticeship. I met him for the first time today – His parents had him dropped off at my office by one of those workers of their, and finally, I met him. I'd think he was at least fourteen if I didn't know better. He's tall, slim, dressed in all white, like that whole family. He's got black hair and round glasses – Compared to the rest of them, he actually looks... Normal enough. And personality wise he's definitely not as cold as them, but you can see small bits of that parenting shining through. Our first meeting was pretty strange – Especially with how he treated me. First thing he said to me was...

'You're a bit short, aren't you?'.  
'Excuse me?'.  
'How old are you again?'.  
'I'm sorry?'.  
'I'm asking simple questions here.'.  
'I- Can we- What?'.

Never have I ever been that confused by an interaction. He talks quick, he's sharp. Witty, too. It only became more apparent later on. The whole thing wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be (because trust me, Techno's hesitance to speak to me is nothing on his end. I'm just... Terrible with kids, apparently), since the kid wanted to get things started as much as I did. If I didn't know any better I'd think he was excited for this... But it's pretty clear he's only here because his parents are making him show up. He didn't have any problem looking around the place – Basically treated it like his own.

'Your name is Theodore, right?', I asked him after some time. I didn't want to get into things straight away – If there are at the least eight years ahead of us of cooperation, we don't need to rush anything.  
'Junior. Yeah. Named after my dad.', he eventually told me, although he clearly took his time to respond.  
'That's a bit proper, isn't it?', I eventually said, looking at him. He had an incredibly focused look in his eyes for a kid his age – It reminded me of the looks Techno gives Phil whenever they train. 'Can I just call you Ted?'.  
'Ted?', he repeated, as if he'd never had a nickname before. Wouldn't be surprised, with that family of his. He gave me a sort of confused glance, and then spoke up again; 'That's... Not my name, though...'.  
'It's a nickname. Like... A title. But less formal. Just something to call you. Your friends can call you that too.' - I couldn't believe I actually had to explain the concept to him, but here I was. He kept looking at me with that... Almost adult, look. I can't quite put it into words. He's incredibly mature. 'So? How does it sound?'.  
'...Yeah, I guess.', he eventually agreed, but I could see he was more than pleased with the idea. 'It's nice.'.

And that was how I met Ted Nivison. Hopefully we've got a bright future ahead of us. Hopefully.

A Small Lesson

Ted's been working with me for about three or four months now, and already, I've learned a lot about him. When he does act like the rest of his family it's clearly taught, almost conditioned behaviour – The type that slips away whenever he gets occupied with something else. I've noticed this when we work on something – He's fascinated by the research, his eyes practically light up whenever we put together some new mix of herbs we haven't tried before. It's amazing. But... He's got his flaws, too. Obviously. With how his family has raised him, it's impossible for him not to have slip-ups. But now that he's under my care, it's only fair I teach him, right?

'You know, on my way here today I saw something I wasn't a huge fan of.'.  
'Let me guess, you saw one of those tags someone's been leaving everywhere? Those jerks doing that call themselves 'The Misfits', actually. And let me tell you, they-'.

He had a smile on his face, until he saw my expression – Then it soon faded.

'...I saw you picking on some kid earlier today.', I eventually told him, and I could hear him stopping to work on whatever it was I gave him. 'You and those two friends of yours. He looked a lot younger than you, you know?'.  
'Yeah. So?'. Between Techno and Ted there was a definite – When you catch kids like these misbehaving, or doing something normally considered bad, they will often act incredibly aloof about it. That doesn't necessarily mean they don't regret what they did or that they don't feel remorse. Most of the time, they're just too scared to show a bit of weakness. 'What's the big idea?'.  
'I don't know.', I responded. Another thing I learned was to let a kid like this open up themselves – They can't learn anything if they don't realize their mistake themselves. Pushing your own ideals onto them is just delaying them denying that and forming their own ideas. 'You tell me. What happened back there?'.

'He tricked me!', he suddenly snapped, crossing his arms. 'It wasn't fair! I can't have people bossing me around. I'm gonna be a leader and all, right? I need to show them I'm in charge. So I did. And it's not my fault that kid is poor and he's got nothing better! He's gotta steal to have anything-'.  
'Whoa, whoa. Calm down.', I quickly cut in. I couldn't just let him talk on and on like that. 'You can't take stuff like that personally. That's not what people in charge do.', I explained, and when he didn't respond, I carried on. 'You can't rule with fear. That's not how leaders do it. You rule with acts. And you most definitely don't rule by insulting someone just because they're not as privileged as you.'.  
'Privileged.', Ted repeated under his breath. I swear I heard him laugh a little. 'Yeah, you make it sound as if I'm supposed to enjoy living like this.'.

'What was that?', I asked him. He probably didn't know I even heard him mutter.  
'Nothing.', he assured me. 'Don't worry about it.'.

'What I'm saying is just because someone wronged you it doesn't mean you have to treat them like they're below you. You don't know what someone is going through, you know? You're better than that. I know you are.'.  
'My parents think you have to show people what you're made of if you want power.'.  
'Well with all due respect, Ted... Your parents are, just slightly, assholes.'.

I thought I went a bit too far there for a second, but soon after, he laughed.

'Yeah. You're right there, I guess.', he admitted. It made me wonder just how things were behind closed doors in that house – I could only imagine, really. 'I just... Lost my temper, I guess. I just...I don't know. Sometimes I just do things I think I should because they do stuff like that, you know?'.  
'Well, here's lesson number one, Ted.', I told him as I carried on working on whatever it was we were doing – Honestly, all I remember from today is this conversation. 'A leader is someone who gains their own identity through what they do. You don't have to be like them. You can be better.'.  
'Yeah.', he said, suddenly filling with that energy I usually see in him whenever we manage to discover something new. 'Yeah, I can be better, you know? I think. I don't know. All I know is they're already thinking about how they're gonna cut me out of everything... But... Hey, that means I can do my thing, right?'.

From there we definitely had a far more light-hearted conversation – Something about Ted's two friends I never see him around without, Travis and Charlie, something else about whatever had gone down that day. Jokes, laughs... It almost took my mind off everything. But looking at this kid, I still know what we're doing to his family behind his back... And it almost feels unfair.

The Nivisons have fallen to the third spot as far as richest businesses in the city go. They're gathering up more debt than they ever have before. They're selling property, firing workers... That family, slowly but surely, is crumbling. I can't guess what effect that could have on Ted, but I do hope we can at least keep the promise of keeping him in the next generation – Maybe it will make all of this easier on him. It's not his fault, the family he was born into... He didn't choose it. It almost feels evil to do all this while he relies on them so much at an age like this. But I also know that family has to go – So I'm split.

I just really, really hope this kid turns out alright. He's great. He doesn't deserve anything less.

Birthday

Today was Techno's thirteenth birthday, and today was also the day he nearly murdered his brother.

It's... A long story. I don't exactly know the details. Phil told me everything in passing afterwards. Techno and Wilbur got in a small fight – As brothers do. Except Techno... Reacted in a way we did not expect. For the past year or so he's been getting better, and now... I don't know. Something just snapped, something in him re-emerged and Phil didn't even have enough time to react as he grabbed Wilbur and started choking him. Phil was a small distance away – Techno would have killed him if it wasn't for something unusual. By pure coincidence, the weather picked up and a branch up above ended up snapping because of the wind and fell on them. Out of instinct Techno dodged and grabbed his brother with him, and by the time he did, he had snapped out of his trance and realized what he tried to do. He hadn't even stopped crying by the time I arrived.

We had no choice. We had to go through with the plan. I just... I really hope he never, ever learns the truth about this. Maybe it's better if I burn this page altogether? No, no. I have to keep track of things. If I don't, I'll keep making the same mistakes over and over again. I can't afford that. I won't mention this ever again, though – Just in case. If someone truly wants to know Techno's true nature, they'd have to read every page of this journal and find this single, small entry... That, of course, being an incredibly unlikely thing to happen.

Techno's better now. But he also lacks control. Let's just hope no one ever tells him about his true nature.

I can't imagine what would follow if they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter probably makes it the most clear, but this fic moves VERY fast  
> like, we jumped like 5+ years in this chapter,,, dont mind that

**Author's Note:**

> For updates about BDAM and its universe + exclusive bonus content, make sure to follow the Tumblr blog!  
> https://mcytbdamofficial.tumblr.com/
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> And check out the official spotify playlists!  
> general bdam playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/05mvGOPRNk4hbW1fBU0ysi?si=cRJmPi3fRYeu38zZ4G8jcw  
> bdam!schlatt: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/38Fc4QfM1Tcnrk7Ydl3OKl?si=uOneCCyPStaZNeCLOpTm3Q  
> bdam!wilbur: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2t3IQ4dW6YwduRVyKBWxXt?si=2lJXmvxRTMS4SuRKpEwanQ  
> bdam!ted: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3c09QBFMlkmKmjbBpIXd2g?si=Uso9UApvQMGosiO6Dh-3lQ  
> bdam!captain: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0zesuNR2HvOw6ZjYiJvgO2?si=_qusEX-MRZCwfTwnhtrnUw
> 
> \---
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